We are actually going back to agility class in Canada tonight! My friend from up there is also dropping in to the Advanced level class after mine and said she'd drop by early to hang out. Going to the Seattle KC trial this weekend. Hoping for a Double Q and then at least one Q the other day (might have already posted that goal, but can't remember). Tonight should be a good indicator of this weekend, so I really hope things go well.

Mr. NYC finally called me at work yesterday (work related), but fessed up to not having called me back last weekend. We've both been pretty busy, but I hope to catch up with him between now and Monday. I had been starting to feel frustrated and a little "postal" again lately. Even talking with him at work makes me feel happy. It's instantaneous when I hear his voice. I don't know why... and I kind of wish I could tell him this, but don't want to creep him out (that is a bit of a heavy thing, being the only person in the world that makes someone else instantly happy just by talking to them about nothing in particular) and negate any future prospect of a possible relationship whenever I can move. Should hear something about the latest job application in a couple of weeks. Crossing my fingers. I am beyond ready to get out of here...

A couple of weeks ago, I went through my storage unit and took a whole bunch of stuff to Goodwill. I figure that it is better to get rid of things here than to haul them 3000 miles to the east coast and then have to deal with them there. I just emailed the chair for the 2010 National Beagle Specialty that is being held in Vancouver, WA this year to see about donating a bunch of really nice beagle collectibles I have to the rescue auction. I had planned on this being my first specialty this year, but now I hope to be gone before then. I would instead look at taking Duchess to the next specialty when it goes back to the National Beagle Club home base in Aldie, VA (I think that will be 2012). At one time I went waay overboard on collecting beagle stuff (like to the point that it might creep some people out, especially a guy, and actually makes me step back and say "whoa" when I look at them now). I have also kinda decided that, after I move, I'm probably not going to celebrate Christmas anymore (that's a whole 'nother discussion I don't want to get in to at this point), and some of the stuff is Christmas oriented (however I will keep my tacky three foot tinsle tree, because it is just too cool to part with). I also wanted to take a couple of other nicer things (not beagle related) to the local Ebay shop (they sell the stuff for you, I just don't want to deal with doing it myself). Went to check it out to get some details on how they work yesterday and found out they are closed until the 17th, aargh! I am doing this all in the name of "acting as if" the job thing is going to happen at the end of this month. The concept comes from the book/movie "The Secret." I ascribe to a lot of the concepts in the book regarding positive energy and intentions directing things to happen in you life, but I also believe that there is more to it than what the book condenses it down to (we could get into a whole discusion on theology/philosophy here, but I think I'll forego that for now too). Let's just say that the positive energy and intentions I have put forth during the last year have done a ton to move my life in the direction it is going now, but I know that there is more to it than just ME.

On the dog front- Was going to go back to agility class in Canada this week, but that got derailed because I was too exhausted. Will go back this next week. Have the Seattle KC trial next weekend (indoors on carpet). Given how she has been running lately, I am expecting big things. My goal is at least one double Q and a Q the other day in either class (there is no FAST at this trial). We went to practice some before my club's monthly meeting on Wednesday and I was getting some of the best, fastest running dogwalks ever from her. She ran the whole thing. No jumping. A perfect stride through every contact zone. She has been holding up to the six weeks between accupuncture treatments (we are in the second interval). Hardly any panting in the car or other signs of stress. I even wonder if her crappy performance at Portland was because I pulled her from the last day of the trial the previous weekend (where she had been running decent) and she didn't understand why (it was because I was exhausted due to the anemia, which hadn't been diagnosed yet) and took it personally (which she definitely acted like she didn't understand why she was leaving). I am thinking/feeling/hoping that I will have the dog back that I had two years ago soon. I can't wait....

BTW- I have taped most of my runs outside of Portland, but there is nothing that warrants posting yet. I would really like to put something up (at least the first time) that shows what we are capable of as a team. Maybe this next weekend it will all come together.

This was my club's trial, that I only made it into for Friday night. Here is the recap of those runs-

Run 1: Excellent Standard- She RAN FAST!! And I wasn't quite ready to handle her with speed. Babysat the teeter too long and missed a front cross after the following jump, so she went up the dogwalk instead of doing the weave poles (it was pretty much a discrimination between the two obstacles). Did some sniffing before I got her into the poles, popped at the 10th (pretty standard, one day when I can do some real training with a set of 12 24" spaced ones regularly we'll fix that for good). She then bounced off the table, because I had fogotten it was the next obstacle after the A Frame. When I realize it was, I just ran at it and didn't tell her anything. Even with the mistakes and bit of sniffing, she had a nice time. NQ, but VERY HAPPY to have a dog that was RUNNING!

Run 2: Excellent JWW- Somebody turned her nose on. Released her from the start line and she ran toward the gate. Got her going nice and then she sniffed her way out of the weave poles and managed to skip a couple of jumps on the way to the finish. Still running fast. She was having fun, so... SCREW THE NQ!

She RAN. She was happy. We can fix the crappy handling in two weeks at Seattle (where she will be running on carpet, so unless there are the kids sitting on the floor with popcorn again her nose should be pretty much out of play too). I have also entered one day at the Boston Terrier club trial at Argus later in the month (Saturday so we can do FAST) and we have one day of an Masters/Excellent seminar with Daisy Peel that my club is putting on. Can't plan further than that right now. After I am done with this, will be tweaking my resume and applying for the new position in NYC tomorrow. Should hear around the 19th. Hoping and planning to be gone at the end of the month....

Start my new college classes tomorrow. Got A- in both classes. Did worse on the final in the "easy" class than I did the "hard" one.

Helped at the trial on Saturday. Came home to a miserable dog, because she got left home and didn't get to play. I felt pretty lost without having her there. Since we have been trialing, the only other trial I was at without her was the one I was chairing when she had a back injury three years ago. Glad I am taking her back to classes in Canada on at least a drop in basis this week. She needs more time with mom, which she hasn't gotten these last few months (not to mention the lack of any REAL training). I am also going to focus on walking her after work now that it is staying light out later.

Questions/comments of the weekend from others to me:
"I thought you were leaving" or "Why are you still here?"- Had to give the rundown of the NYC saga at least a couple dozen times to various people who haven't seen me in a month or two.
"Wow, you're getting skinny" and "I like your hair cut"- Yep, minus 45 (and counting) since last may. To the second comment, I somehow felt obligated to explain to people about the hair loss episode. The universal reply was, "I wouldn't have known if you hadn't said anything." Guess that means I'm just self-conscious about such things.

This last month has been tough and it led me to get a bad attitude about things. I talked to Mr. NYC for the first time in three weeks last week. He had noticed that my Facebook posts were starting to sound a little "postal". Talking to him completely changed my attitude on things. It always does.

This weekend is my club's agility trial, which I only made it in to for tomorrow night. My goal for tomorrow is a Double Q. Let's get out first one at home in front of everybody we know. We havee another trial in Seattle in a couple of weeks and will probably enter another trial Saturday only for later in the month (because the have FAST that day). I have decided that until I can have some real time to TRAIN my dog, I am not going to try to enter her back in Rally or Obedience. We will just mostly focus on agility this year and I plan on starting back at classes with my trainer in Canada this next week.

Will be updating my resume this weekend and putting in an application for one of the new positions back in NYC next week. Should hear about it by the middle of next month and would start training in April if it happens.

My instructor actually took the assignment that I forgot to turn in and graded it! Not to mention that he gave me 98 out of 100 and didn't take any points for it being late! That put me back at an A-. I might be able to get it up to an A if I did well on the final. Right now I'm on my week off between class sessions and will start Foundations of Business and Research Writing next week.

I went to the Olympics last weekend! I stood in line and took some good pictures of the cauldron with the flame on my camera phone. My regular digital camera just got glare no matter what setting it was on (and with the flash turned off!). I didn't actually go to any of the sporting event, but seeing the flame qualifies as being there. Many of the streets in downtown Vancouver are shut down and it is like a huge street fair. Bigger crowd that even Times Square in NYC.

Better get going...Need to go help load equipment for the trial a bit later. I DO hope to finally get some decent video I can post tomorrow, as I should easily be able to get some to film me.

I've had more than my share of bad things in the past two months. As if I needed another one... Apparently the week I got the bad news about the job, I did a 100 point assignment for one of my college classes, saved the file to my computer, and FORGOT TO SUBMIT IT. Between that and screwing up another assignment that week (forgot to explain my answers even though I had read that in the directions), I have gone from an A to a B- (nearly a C). I can still get it back up to a B by doing well on the final project this week, but there go my dreams of a 4.0. Shit! Pardon my French, but I really do work my ass off and I am getting so little in return for it as of late that it is absolutely sucking the life out of me...

On the job end of things... Somebody I used to work with who moved to Washington DC a couple of years ago for a Field Account Management job (the type I was going for that no longer exists) came back to visit their family the past two weeks. I got to spend some time with him and his wife and he suggested that I possibly try for one of the new Implementation Manager postions in the Business Sales division. I brushed it off at first, because I really would prefer to work directly with customers, but I looked at the job posting and am seriously considering it now. I do not have the project management experience they want, but they are only asking for one year and I think that that will be easier to get past than my lack of commissioned sales experience. I also feel that it would be a good stepping stone to the other position if I decide I want to switch over in a couple of years. I have a couple of weeks to think about it and tweak my resume, but it is another option to get me back there.

Hope to talk to Mr. NYC tomorrow. Haven't actually spoken to him (outside of work) in going on three weeks. Want to hear about his trip to Vermont with friends (a yearly thing he does) and need to discuss the jobs stuff and get his input on things. Not to mention that I miss him...

We had our yearly kickoff meeting at work today. As soon as I got there, our General Manger came over. She is quite well acquainted with the Director of the division of the job I had applied to. She told me she was sorry that I hadn't gotten the job, but was glad that I hadn't gotten it and then had to go through what is currently going on back in NYC. She also said that she hadn't known I had applied until she heard on the back end that I was interviewing. I WAS INTERVIEWING?! That kind of info only came from one place, the Director. And now I am stuck in purgatory waiting to wage an uphill battle for the new job that I want but do not entirely qualify for...

I missed getting into two out of three of my own club's AKC trial.... We weren't expecting to fill, especially with our proximity to the border and the trial being smack in the middle of the Olympics, but we did and the Saturday and Sunday waitlist is so long that there is virtually no hope of making it. We'll run Friday night, but this really sucks (as if I needed any more sucky things to happen to me after recent developments). After getting that news, I immediately entered the Seattle Kennel Club trial online so that I WILL NOT miss getting into that. Still up in the air about doing obedience or rally there, but I have a couple of weeks to decide on that still. Might opt to do a few Saturdays only at some upcoming trials down at Argus Ranch (provided they have FAST). It costs me the same, driving wise, whether I go there for one day or two. Doing one day only will save the cost of a motel and still give me free time for the weekend. Think I'll look at the upcoming schedule and see what might work out.

I have gotten a little more clarity in my head about the way forward with the job thing, but the ultimate issue right now is that I really just have to wait out the next couple of months and see where things fall back there. I am bound and determined to be moved back to the NYC area by the end of the year, whatever it takes.

There is going to be another job classification that I would be a good fit for.. One problem. Here we are, back to the "I don't have any sales experience" issue. This time, it is actually written as a requirement. I am going to wait the next couple of months for things to shake out back there, and then I may approach the sales managers (or even the regional director, provided these people stay static since I already know most of them) and see if there is ANY WAY they would look at other experience as a replacement for that experience. I CAN completely DO the job. I hate when one little sentence is the thing that is standing in your way of still being able to get on with life.

Worst case scenario- Maybe I will have to leave my current company and get a beginning level sales job (I would try to come back in a couple of years once I have the required "experience" because I do really like who I work for). The sucky thing is that that may very well mean scrapping for commission and eating Top Ramen for a couple of years. Yes, I am sure I would be able to pull that (and probably earn good commission eventually), but the idea was to be able to go back to NYC and move up the ranks in life, not start over from scratch.... But I will do what I have to do. Seriously hope that these next few months really prove Mr. NYC to be the person that I think he is and that he is committed to helping me (but I don't expect him to pay my way in life). I am determined to turn life's curve ball into a Grand Slam, but for now I just want this sick to my stomach feeling of anxiety to go away...

To make myself feel better, I put in for time off around the Fourth of July. If I cannot make anything happen between now and then, will be going back for a 10 day visit. Yep, that's gonna be a small fortune (unless somebody voluntarily offers their couch to crash on, but not expecting that), but by that point I am going to NEED it.

Dog wise, trying to figure out what to do. I am already screwed on a couple of three day weekends I wanted to take for trials in May and June. AAC regionals might still be a possibility, but I need to get Duchess back in real training. Can I afford being tied up another night with school stuff? Can I afford not to?

Is where I'm at.... I just watched the job I have spent the last few months going for evaporate today... No, I was not rejected. It no longer exists. They have decided to revamp the entire Business Sales division. All of the current positions as we know them... gone. They are putting in new job descriptions and will spend the next month or so assessing all of the current employees in the division to see what new role they best fit in to (or, possibly, that they won't  fit in going forward). They have posted March 22 as the date to start training on the new positions for existing employees.

So, where does that leave me? Wait and see what the definitions of these new positions are, determine where I might fit in best, and see if there are any openings in the NYC area that would be viable for me. If nothing viable falls into place by mid-summer.... I may be looking into "other options" outside my current company. I have no idea what those "other options" might look like, but I know that there would be some undesirable consequences if I have to go that route. I do know that, if I leave the company, I will likely have to pay back my tuition reimbursement thus far (which I can't afford to do) and have a 401K loan that will turn into a disbursement because I will not be able to pay it back in full immediately (hence I will owe taxes on the money). I would also end up footing the bill for my entire job search back there, including going for interviews, etc. If I get an interview internally, my travel and everything would be paid for and the time travelling and interviewing would be paid as work time. Even so, I know that no matter what happens it's time and I have to get out of here ASAP. If I am not back there by summer, I plan to go back for a visit around the Fourth of July.

Now we wait and see what happens... Will keep you posted..

The title is not an apology, it is more the subject about which I'm going to write. However, I will warn you that this blog will be more life versus dog training oriented for a while. I don't think I'll be able to get back to the meat and potatoes of dog training until I can get myself resettled elsewhere. Right now, who knows when that will be, however I am determined to be living in the NYC area by the end of the year (one way or another). So that I don't sound cryptic, there has been no further news on the job. It is still wait and see, however Mr. NYC is saying that things may be changing and that job may change or morph into some other position altogether. If so, I hope it will still be a good fit for me. If not, I will either have to find out how else I can fit in to that group back there or... maybe look outside my current company (which I REALLY don't want to do, both because of really wanting to work with that group of people and the additional financial consequences I may have to endure if I go elsewhere). Anyway...

So I was talking with Mr. NYC last night. Rather, it started on Tuesday when I got back to work. He called me (at work) to ask me a semi-work related question, but his bigger thing was being concerned over how I am doing with what has been going on (yes, he was in on the whole losing my hair thing from day one). I still hadn't gotten the definitive blood test results at that point, so we agreed to circle back and talk after work some night this week (last night). He really seriously cares about me, to the point that he has said (several times now), that if I ever need anything that I can call him anytime. Near the end of the conversation, he says that he's glad that it isn't anything too serious (BTW, already feeling much more energetic after being on the iron supplement since Monday) but that he's sorry that I have to go through this. It was a genuine empathy for me thing, not the fake, placating type of "I'm sorry" crap I get from my mother.. But the second that he launched into it, it actually kind of pissed me off and put me on the defensive. I started to speak up and try to cut him off, but then I shut myself up. What is wrong with me? He REALLY DOES feel bad for me. Why does that make me mad?

I was driving to work this morning and trying to psycho-analyze that reaction. I guess it comes down to this- I really don't want people to feel sorry for me. And if they do, I have a hard time dealing with it, even if it's genuine, because of how much fake crap that has been pitched at me in the past (and continues to be pitched at me).. I would rather have empathy expressed to me in the manner of, "That sucks," said with a genuine feeling behind it (not sarcasm). Maybe that's because that's how I tend to express empathy, and I don't say it sarcastically (if I MEANT it sarcastically, you would know it). Yes, IT SUCKS that I had to get to the point of losing my hair to figure out my body was crashing. As I replied back to him, "That's life. Things could be a whole hell of a lot worse." He was glad to hear that I had that kind of perspective on it.

Not to mention, he wanted to know all about the weekend with Duchess (aka Super Dog to him, he probably can't remember her name). He gets all gushy and sentimental when I talk about her. He can tell that I love her and that she's a cool dog. He would really love her too (I think he already does, even though he's never met her). I look forward to being able to share her with him, hopefully sooner than later. I think she'll like him too...

Diagnosis regarding the hairloss episode- I'm anemic. So much so that my body decided my blood needed the iron worse than it needed to grow hair (did not ask the specifics regarding the blood test results, but should have). I'm on iron supplements now and should get my blood serum levels back to normal in 2-3 weeks, however it may take 2-3 months for my hair to start growing again :(  Looking forward to not feeling like a zombie (my energy level is already starting to improve), as this would also explain my fatigue the last couple of months. It was actually starting to get a bit scary last week. When driving to Portland, I almost fell asleep on my way to Seattle. I woke up after I stopped for some coffee. The other scary thing was going to work and blanking out on peoples' names.

Day 3
Run 1: Excellent Standard- This was a really nice run, except that she blew the weave poles. Didn't pull out, just got completely distracted before she could hit the entry (they were paralell to the side of the ring).

Run 2: Excellent JWW- Clean run. Didn't make time... Threw in about six extra front crosses just so I could keep moving. I am sure it was quite entertaining for those watching.

Day 4
Run 1: Excellent Standard- Clean run. Didn't make time... Seeing a theme here...

Run 2: Excellent JWW- Pokey slow. Wrong end of the tunnel and then missed the weave entrance.

Problems this weekend- Pulling out of the weave poles, SLOOOW weave poles, don't want to down on the table (she eventually did every time, but it took FOREVER), pulling off jumps (split equally between my errors and her errors), just plain SLOW.

I don't know what to do at this point. The slowness almost seems like the shutting down she does in the obedience ring (PS- I skipped obedience completely on Saturday, didn't want to put her through another bad experience in the ring and didn't think there was any hope for a better result than Friday). She did speed up an RUN (rather nicely, a couple of times) after she/we had already screwed up and NQ'd. I wish I could do some concentrated training with her, but nothing is going to fall into place until I figure out which direction life is going in (and it had better go in the NYC direction for anything real to happen).

Right now, IF we are still here, my next trial will be my club's trial at the end of next month. Hoping that we are not still here, I might otherwise be looking at a trial in NJ in April.

She really needs to get back in a class again. I really want that, but as long as I am here and committed to teaching rally for my club, I can't do it. With the college classes I can only manage to be "tied up" on an ongoing basis for one night per week. If I move, I can ditch that commitment and will also be able to pull some equipment out and do some apartment agility. The pause table could live in the living room again for a while and we could put out the weaves in a hall of something.
 
I JUST WANT TO GET ON WITH LIFE!!! All the stupid "little" things about being here that keep getting in the way. If I started listing them, you wouldn't understand why some of these "little" things add up to major disruptions in our (Duchess and me) life. I need to get to a place where my life schedule is a clean slate except work and school and that I can build things around that the way I want/need them to be without anybody or anything else interfering.

I'm in Portland. Excited about the weekend. I'll admit I really wasn't into it last weekend. I think I am getting myself back on track now.

No Thyroid issues. Blood test came back smack in the middle of the normal range. Have an appointment with a dermatologist Monday afternoon. The good news is that the hair loss is not getting worse and my hair itself has gotten better. In the two weeks before I REALLY noticed the thinning (I notice it had thinned in the back a bit as early as the middle of December, but had not noticed it had thinned ALL OVER) it had gotten really dry and brittle. If I tried to condition it more, it just made it flat and limp. It is back to being silky again and I can actually style it enough to make it not look so bad. Have to live with the split ends though, but things could be worse.

I will load up the videos from last weekend at some point this weekend. There was nothing really impressive, but it is Duchess running... Hoping for impressive this weekend. Need to finish that darn FAST title (I blew that last weekend), need some decent MACH points (Would 50 be too much to ask at this point since we had 0 last weekend?) and would like at least one Double Q (Please?). We also need to finish her CD. I think that will happen.

NYC job news update- They are STILL on a hiring freeze for all positions back there. The hiring manager should know something around February 1st (maybe?). I have a hard time believing that if I was not still legitimately in contention for this job that she (the hiring manager) would not have told me something in the past couple of months. Hopefully some of the people may have taken themselves out of consideration due to the long wait.

To start with, I have stopped freaking out so badly about the hair. It is not as if I am bald, it is just really thin all around with a pretty nasty gap in the back (hence the previous reference to the comb-over job) and it's pretty bad on top. As long as it doesn't get worse and we figure out what's wrong with me and how to fix it, it will be okay. I should get blood test results back tomorrow afternoon. For the first time I am rooting for a blood test to show something wrong, as that will make it the easiest fix. If not, will be making an appointment with a dermatologist for more poking and prodding. It will NOT be okay if the current state of things gets worse or I cannot find some way of fixing this long term.

Will be heading down to Argus Ranch outside of Auburn tomorrow for the Evergreen Afghan Hound Club trial. Three days with two having FAST. I hope to finish our OF this weekend. If not, I really want at least one Q and we can finish next weekend in Portland. I also want at least one Double Q (would be our first) and to at least Q in either Standard or JWW each of the other days (and get decent MACH points). Between this weekend and next weekend, I would like 3 Double Qs and 100 MACH points, our OF and hopefully the first leg of our XF.

Went to Canada to do a drop in class tonight, as we hadn't seen equipment since mid-December. She was pretty gung ho and handled well, but my instructor commented that she is the fattest she has ever seen her. This is true. My mom and grandma keep feeding her and then saying, "It was just a crumb" or "I just let her lick the plate." I had it out with them and told them it had to STOP IMMEDIATELY. I have asked them at least a dozen times, NICELY, over the past year. At this point, if she gets injured due to carrying the extra weight, they can decide between themselves how they are going to split up the vet bills. Just another reason I need to move to NYC, NOW!

Sent an email to the hiring manager yesterday. Didn't want to seem impatient, however since I am going to be gone for most of the next week and a half I wanted to let her know and make sure she had my direct number to contact me. I got an out of office that showed this whole week, so I assume she is on vacation this week. Hopefully that means that things might start moving when she gets back next week and that I will be on her list of candidates to interview.

I've been lucky this last year. Things have gone well.. So therefore I was due for a slight disaster... Apparently, my hair is falling out!!!! I really figured it out last night, when I went to put it into a ponytail and it was so thin on top I could hardly cover things... I had noticed an increasing gap in the back over the past month and it has been difficult to style the last couple of weeks... I am not bald, but it is really thin, all over. Ugh!

Went to the Doctor and had a blood test for Thyroid issues. I was normal last summer, but given that most of the loss must have happened in the past two weeks (during which I was also feeling somewhat fatigued) that might be it. I honestly hope so, because then I can go on medication and hopefully the hair will come back (QUICKLY please!!!). I should hear by Friday. If that is not the case, a trip to the dermatologist is in order and things may get much more complicated from there... Just hoping to keep what I have in the meantime at this point.

Yep, I'm freaked out. Didn't go to work today because I was a nervous wreck, but I realize that life goes on, hair or no hair, and for better or worse I am still the same person. That all sounds so nice, like I really don't care, but seriously... I DO! It's the perspective thing kicking in. I'm going to try and not let it ruin my life and hopefully this is just a temporary bump in the road. If it can't be "fixed", then we have a problem. In the meantime, I understand what guys who have to do comb-overs feel like. Not happy, but still looking forward to trialing Duchess the next two weekends.

Mr. NYC finally reviewed my proposal I sent him a month ago that he was mentoring me on. I hope this is a sign that he has heard something moving forward back there and that it's an indication I will need it soon. The input was that is was pretty good and that I should just work in the new 2010 company goals along with a few other things.
...

In a nutshell, as posted on Facebook-

2009- Bes year of the decade for me. Finally got life going in the direction I want it, more or less. Here's to continuing the positive momentum into 2010 (especially the next couple of months).

My life really has come a million miles this year. A year ago I was still getting over getting kicked out of the place I had lived for 8 1/2 years. A couple of months later, the whole idea of moving on to a different job and moving to NYC started to happen. I subsequently made friends with Mr. NYC through working with him and let him know my plans. I went back to college online. I spent two weeks in California relaxing with the part of my family who really truly supports me and what I am trying to do with my life. I took a trip back to NYC and got to meet the people that I work with and check things out, which confirmed that that was truly the place I want to be. And now I am just waiting on the job to happen, which I will hopefully be hearing about in the next few weeks.

On the dog front, things were tumultuous. Relapse of anxiety from the car accident and a pulled muscle kept us sidelined and limited Duchess' performance for most of the year. She now is doing better with the anxiety than she has since the accident happened and we are spacing her accupunture sessions out to six week intervals. Her pulled muscle seems to have healed, however I have a slight concern as we took a couple of hikes last weekend (9 miles total) and she seemed a bit sore afterward (and yelped when my vet put in the needles in that area this week). Hopefully we will be able to make some serious progress toward her MACH this year. Right now we have 25 points and no Double Qs. I have two trials this month, 3 days one weekend and 4 days another weekend (Portland). We also entered obedience two days at Portland and will hopefully finally finish her CD and VCD1. My goals for these two weekends are at least one Q in Standard or JWW each day with at least 3 Double Qs, 100 MACH points between the two weekends, finish our OF and get a Q toward our XF. After that, I will jopefully be getting an interview in NYC and life will be moving forward (which means our next trials would be on the east coast).

I can't wait to see what 2010 will bring. I truly believe that things are going to continue moving forward and that I will finally be able to get on with life.

The headline for this is "Stuff" for lack of creativity and the fact I am tired of using any combination of "Life", "Update", "Life Update", etc. LOL

Just ordered my "holiday" present for myself, a Flip HD camcorder. This means there will be Duchess agility videos in the New Year! (and yes, I will post them!).

Had a great conversation with Mr. NYC while driving home from work on Thursday (yes, I use a Bluetooth headset!). He was making Italian Hot Dogs (sounded awesome, he seems to be quite the foodie). We talked about the job thing (he is happy I'm still in the running, really wants me back there), food, books, movies, etc. (found out mom is an English teacher and really instilled a love of reading in him and his sister). It was just a really great conversation in general, especially since he was in no hurry to get me off the phone after we got done talking work stuff. I have finally figured out after knowing him for 10 months (or something like that) that he REALLY means it when he says I can call him anytime. He isn't just saying that to be nice.

He asked me where I was looking at living when I moved back there (WHEN, not IF, and that came from HIM) and I said I had mostly been looking at places in Jersey City on Craigslist for the past few months. Which led him to mention (I AM NOT TRYING TO READ ANYTHING INTO THIS...) that his lease was up in a couple of months and that he was looking at Jersey City himself. He currently has a roommate and is debating whether he should go for a nice place with a NYC view or if he should just keep it on the cheap side and buy a place in a couple of years. Now this all could have been (and likely was) completely innocent conversation, but you have to admit the timing and how it was set up (remember, HE asked about where I was looking at living). Soooo... my only issue with doing THAT (if THAT was even in the realm of reality) would be that guys like a challenge in a relationship and living together would just make everything too convenient. Or maybe he doesn't want a challenge, based on all the bad dates he professes to have been on. My big thing is keeping up a friendship with him, but more than that would be icing on the cake (however have to get the cake, i.e. the job and move, first). FYI- I am sure I mentioned it before, but he seems to like my dog even though he's never met her and did insinuate that he had thought about getting one last summer. He also said that whenever I came back again (whether for an interview or to check things out some more), he would hang out with me more. I must have intrigued him in some way in the short period I spent with him in the office and then out at happy hour, even though we never got any time to ourselves to talk (he had a colleague come with us to happy hour).

I did talk with the hiring manager today. It appears that the person who had the lower Field Account Manager position got the position I really wanted, however that means there are now TWO of the lower level positions open. At this point, due to some restructuring in the organization back there, they are putting the interview process on hold for 30 days. I am still in the pool and the hiring manager will call me when things start back up to let me know where I stand (she said she put me at the top of her list, and having worked with her the past few years, I trust this is true). So, it is still possible, but will likely be a couple of months to get through things. The good news is that a 30 day time frame will cover me going to the trials I just entered.

We get points at work that can be applied toward gift cards based on our monthly performance. I just cashed in for $70 in Amazon.com gift cards and plan to use that toward buying an inexpensive video camera (possibly a Flip). I want to be able to get Duchess' trials on video for posterity, because we will probably not trial past 2011 on any regular basis (she would be 10 then). It will be a good training tool for the next dog, but any thoughts of that have to wait until I manage to get myself resettled elsewhere.

Plan on going to agility practice tonight. Duchess is restless and desperately needs something to do. The arena will be really cold!

One of the two jobs I was going for is no longer posted. I am sure the second one will not be close behind... No rejection letters yet, but I am sure they are coming soon...

I don't set myself up for failure. I was seriously sure that I would at least get an interview. This is a huge blow to me. I finally find something that I CAN do and I WANT to do and I don't even get the chance to show what I am capable of. I knew that there were a couple of weak spots in my resume, but as previously stated, those things aren't technically requirements that you have previous experience in them, just that you can DO them (which I CAN). So what do I do when there will always be people who look better than me on paper? I will be going back to the hiring manager, since I know her, after the first of the year and asking her what I can do. I will go back and job shadow somebody for a whole week on my own dime if that's what it takes.

It appears that I am going to be getting a significant raise after the first of the year and that our department will be getting a really great new bonus plan, but neither of those things are going to keep me in the long run. I still don't want to stay HERE. There is nothing to keep me here, except the current paycheck situation, and the job is boring me to death 8 hours at a time. As long as I am here, I really can't get on with my life. Am going to throw myself back into as much dog stuff as I can manage with school and finances, since that is the ONLY thing that will keep me sane. Will start planning another NYC trip for summer. Will keep up my friendship with Mr. NYC :) Will go after whatever it is going to take to get where I want to be once I know what those next steps are.

In the meantime, though, I'm not going to sugar coat it. I'm miserable. I keep having thoughts at work along the lines of, "This is all I'm good for." I've had a hard time not crying lately when that happens (for that matter I pretty much was when my buddy called me last week as I previously posted about, but he had no idea, still doesn't, and I'm really embarrassed to tell him that I feel that way). I had NO INTENTION of still being around for the holidays. My family drove me nuts over Thanksgiving. The same thing happened back on the Fourth of July weekend. I can't even take time off to just relax at home because I can't stand being around them more than I absolutely have to. I won't survive two more three day weekends with them later this month. Can probably find something to do on New Years, but I don't want to celebrate Christmas at all. If the weather is half-way decent, I'll take Duchess for a hike that day. At the same time, there is still no point in me trying to move out. Reasons: I do help them out as much as possible (and they really can use help as long as I am around) and I do pay my share of things, even though they pretty much treat me like crap in return. There really aren't any reasonable places around here that take dogs (if they do, their requirements are usually rediculous). If I move, I don't have much in the way of real furniture and my current income won't support buying any without giving everything else up indefinitely. Since I ultimately have no intention of staying here (getting a job in NYC and moving is still a WHEN, not an IF, but WHEN needs to be soon), there is no point in locking myself into a lease.

I keep reminding myself that I have made so many positive things happen this year: I've lost 30 pounds, have my eating habits under better control, and like going to the gym, I got myself back in college, have made some solid friendships, and I actually decided on a direction in life. What is happening now doesn't take anything away from those things, but it really sucks to end the year by hitting a big fat dead end for the time being.